I'm still busy with college homework, but I'm making it out of the emotional hole and creative slump. I got a new song in the works that I'm in a new good mood for, and this new song is gonna provide a LOT to the table: First song with lyrics, and the first collab song, courtesy of @CasualBreather (You rock, literally!). I'll see y'all later.

1. I have not been doing much recently when it comes to music, and that's having to do with lot going on. There's me catching up with college homework, and some small feuds with people at my college music club, but I'm also in an emotional hole: I think I'm on the brink of entering a depressed state, I am somewhat losing interest in my music, and I am never satisfied with anything I add or remove to my songs. There seems to be a name for this sort of thing too: Anhedonia
2. Though I'm no longer in the emotional hole my ex left me in (I made a news post about that over a month ago), those thoughts are barely creeping back, which thankfully doesn't bother me enough to disrupt my day. However, I REALLY feel as if I need to vent about my past in general, so you may or may not expect future news posts that just consist of me venting. This post is kinda like that, I guess
3. While trying to get back into music, I looked at the songs that I'm still working on and thought that I should upload what I have so far, rather than keeping it hidden on the backburner. So, here they are

(Demo) 3 Hours Until Freedom

(Demo) Feeling Blue

I updated my personal info, don't look to the left of this post

Well, it has officially been 1 year since my comment on Punk-O-Matic 2, the game that I use today to make my music. I have went from not knowing anything about music structure to jamming out like never before. I think all y'all who have stuck around and heard me out (Pun intended), and I am not stopping anytime soon

This was a week ago, but I had joined the music club at my college and joined in on the weekly jam sessions the club has, but no jam session this week because of a club fair. Turns out that a professor was filming it and there's now a video of IRL me out there jamming out and havin' fun. I'm the one playing the keyboard, reaching new grounds (no pun intended) in terms of the keyboard, and even the vocalist throws some compliments my way :)

IDK if I can use the video, so here's the link, but don't say it was me who sent you. 🤫

York College Community Jam, 2/4/24 Terrell Springer (voice) Logan Cronkright (alto sax/percussion) Ajanee Smith (guitar/bass) Dr. Tom... | By Tom | Facebook

New band name: The bad role models

I had plans to change the name of the fictional band I make my music under. I made the name change about a month ago but had not done the new artwork for the band, which you'll see why in my last news post. The new band logo was intentionally made with low effort, but I did happen to write it in both English and Español because I wanted to

TLDR I had a break-up from my BF a month ago and told nobody (I'm pansexual). We got back, broke up again, and my attempt to get back today had failed completely. I didn't start to get over it until the past few days where I visited family and talked to them. I meant to say so earlier, but it dawned on me too much and my coping strategies were not AT ALL up to standard. This sort of thing pretty much took up almost all my time, and I wasn't in the mood for projects and hobbies, but I'm back thankfully

There was this guy who I first met randomly while gaming on Left 4 Dead 2. We were friends since July, and we pretty much got along like bread and butter. I broke up with him once back in September after he rubbed a prank in my face, but we got back after 2 weeks of separation. After that, we started dating, and he was comfortable enough together to the point he started talking and joking dirty around me, and I never minded, I enjoyed the time we were together. He showed me his other friends, played on VRchat too, talked on discord, like a little vacation being with him. He did seem like quite a bit of a "tulS" around everyone, and he did also say he had autism and had ADHD, but I didn't think anything of it at the time because I also have both, except I was never a tulS. I guess it says a lot now.

One day around early or mid-December, we played a game of L4D2 with the admin system, and I got too carried away. He told me to quit abusing it, I lost control of myself (ADHD thing where you either try too little or too much, and I can be a hothead at times), and it didn't seem like it was impacting his game because nothing seemed awry, so I didn't take him seriously, which I take blame for. He broke up with me this time and this is where it started, since THIS had me devastated like hell for a while. I did more cyberstalking than I'd like to admit in that time, seeing when they were online mainly. I talked to mutual friends, tried to tell myself constantly to wait it out, developed a plan to get back together, but I just barely managed to get back with them sometime around new year's. But we were only together for a few days until he broke up with me again. This time it was out of the blue, but I wasn't as devastated since I was used to it, but it still hurt me a bit. It was only a matter of time until I said to myself "Okay, I GOTTA spill the beans at this point."

Yesterday, on the last day of a mini-vacation with relatives, my family could easily tell I was agitated, and I eventually decided that it was better to tell them rather than toughing it out myself. I talked to my uncle for a solid 13 minutes, and the pep talk helped me to the point where I recorded the whole thing on my phone, no joke. He told me about letting go of the past, how time is the main support, what to focus my time and effort towards, and how forgiveness is a virtue in every religion and that it's necessary for both parties.

He told me to wait it out and let him unblock me naturally, which I knew to do, but I felt comfortable that enough time had passed, and boy was I wrong. He was online today, I asked him if we could reconnect, and he blocked me from ALL social media without a word once again. This happened literally just a few hours ago, and I just thought that it's not worth hiding anymore, and I wrote this wall of text you see now. At this point, I've thankfully gotten over it almost completely now, and will decide whether to try again in a month or to just abandon the relationship indefinitely. That's not a decision I'm ready to make now (The latter is a better choice, but my subconscious may pick the former), but for the time being, I'm just venting here. It ruined my positivity like hell and I wasn't in the mood for art and music stuff, but I'm back along with my motivation.

(I also noticed that I referred to my ex as "they/them" rather than "he/him" at times, so take that for what you will)

It's finally that time of the year again, where I have a day dedicated to ME, and I am turning 20 years old! I've got a video out on my YouTube channel for the occasion, and in case I don't have an art project too, this is the birthday art I made a year ago back when I was even MORE of an amateur

Birthday Art #1

I also had this birthday art made in advance, but I think it too crappy (Or a shitpost) to upload. I tried to upload it last year and it got taken down, I believe. If the link works, and is taken down again, here's the birthday art that was never published. It makes me cringe, but here you go

Other B-Day (File Dump)

Other B-Day (Submitted Art)

I also would be flattered to see fan-art of my "Sir Nostalgic" OC, sitting at a table with a birthday cake, giving a smile at the camera while holding a drink, clean shaven with short hair. (My art idea this year, nudge nudge) But I've FINALLY got it done this year! WOOOO!

Birthday Art #2

TLDR I'm back from my relative's house and at my OG home. Overall, my time there was pretty good, just except for some trouble with online friends

After a full week with some other relative's, it feels strange back at my original home. I get along quite well with them despite some annoying times, but I somehow manage to wind down at the end of the day. Honestly, I've had some shenanigans with my friends on steam and VRchat, but that was just a matter of bad timing and I know what to do on that side of my life. I've suddenly been feeling anxious and not having social confidence, but IK that takes time to fix up, and a LOT of it. Thankfully, my art and music projects are kind of like a therapy for me, and I'll be getting back to those to lighten my mood. Glad to be back!